Wednesday, March 19, 2014

100 Memorable Quotes from 100 Memorable Episodes

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It’s been a fun four and a half seasons. So much has happened and so much has changed. It really feels like Glee is headed in a completely acceptable and encouraged direction even though our favorite Glee Club may not be sticking around anymore. In celebration of 100 episodes, we’ve put together the most memorable quotes from the past 100 episodes. Feel free to leave you faves in the comments below!

1×01: “Pilot”

Being a part of something special makes you special, right?

1×02: “Showmance”

So here’s the deal. You do with your depressing little group of kids what I did with my wealthy, elderly mother. Euthanize it. It’s time

1×03: “Acafellas”

Who’s Josh Groban? Kill yourself!

1×04: “Preggers”

“Hey ankle grabber…I had sex with your mother, no seriously….I cleaned your pool, and then I had sex with her in your bed… Nice Stars Wars sheets.”

1×05: “The Rhodes Not Taken”

Oh Bambi, I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy.

1×06: “Vitamin D”

Because if there’s two things America needs right now, that is sunshine and optimism! Also angels.

1×07: “Throwdown”

I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help, but picturing birds laying sulfurous eggs in there and I find it disgusting.

1×08: “Mash-Up”

Rachel was a hot Jew. And the good lord wanted me to get in her pants.

1×09: “Wheels”

You think this is hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in another direction. That was hard.

1×10: “Ballad”

I have to go, they’ll think I’m pooping.

1×11: “Hairography”

I’ll need to see the set list for sectionals, after all. I want them on my desk warm from the laminator at 5pm. If it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.

1×12: “Mattress”

I want my kids to be able to look back on these photos, make them proud. Not the bastard one I’m carrying now, of course, the ones I’ll have when I’m married and ready

1×13: “Sectionals”

Santana: Sex is not dating.

Brittany: Yeah, if it was, Santana and I would be dating.

1×14: “Hell-O”

Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?

1×15: “The Power of Madonna”

Would you please stop talking, you’re grossing out my baby. / Everything about you screams virgin. You’re about as sexy as a Cabbage Patch Kid. It’s exhausting to look at you.

1×16: “Home”

I think my cat is reading my diary.

1×17: “Bad Reputation”

Don’t start with me Castle, or I will kick you square in the taco

1×18: “Laryngitis”

I thought you were capital-G gay.

1×19: “Dream On”

I can’t dance, and I never will. But… that’s okay. I’m never going to dunk a basketball or kill a lion, either. I have to focus on dreams that I can make come true.

1×20: “Theatricality”

I know what you meant! What, you think I didn’t use that word when I was your age? You know, some kid gets clocked in practice we tell him to stop being such a fag, shake it off. We meant it exactly the way you meant it. That being gay is wrong. That’s some kind of punishable offense. I really thought you were different, Finn. You know, I thought that being in Glee Club, and being raised by your mom, meant that you were some, you know, new generation of dude who saw things differently. Who just kinda, you know, came into the world knowing what it’s taken me years of struggling to figure out. I guess I was wrong. I’m sorry Finn, but you can’t, you can’t stay here.

1×21: “Funk”

You know, for me, trophies are like herpes. You try to get rid of them, but they keep coming. You know why? Sue Sylvester has hourly flare-ups of burning, itchy, highly contagious talent.

1×22: “Journey to Regionals”

I’m sorry. I just really love you guys. You know how many Facebook friends I had before I joined Glee Club? Two. My parents. Rachel was right. Being a part of something special— it made me special. I just can’t believe it’s going to be over in a week.

2×01: “Audition”

Will Schuester, how do you respond to a recent post on my blog saying your Glee Club song selections sound like they come from a drag queen’s iPod.

2×02: “Britney/Brittany”

So get up in my grill, ’cause Britts and I wants to get our anesthesia on.

2×03: “Grilled Cheesus”

And when I pulled the sandwich out, I saw the face of God… Literally. I had made a Grilled Cheesus.

2×04: “Duets”

Uh huh. That’s right girl. So if we do a duet together, we will be the undisputed top bitches at this school.

2×05: “The Rocky Horror Glee Show”

Give me some chocolate, or I will cut you.

2×06: “Never Been Kissed”

You are nothing but a scared little boy who can’t handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!

2×07: “The Substitute”

Mr. Schu taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I thought they sounded too similar and got frustrated.

2×08: “Furt”

In Glee Club, uh, whenever two of us got together, we got a nickname. Rachel and I are Finchel. Rachel and Puck were Puckleberry. And today, a new union was formed: Furt. You and me, man… we’re brothers from another mother. And, quite frankly, no one else has shown me as much as you about what it means to be a man.

2×09: “Special Education”

You used to be just sort of unlikable, but now I pretty much feel like punching you every time you open your mouth.

2×10: “A Very Glee Christmas”

Can I be honest? I don’t understand the difference between an elf and a slave.

2×11: “The Sue Sylvester Shuffle”

I try to make a habit of not touching carnie folk. But, fella, I’ll take it.

2×12: “Silly Love Songs”

I’ve kissed Finn, and can I just say: NOT worth a buck. I would, however, pay $100 to jiggle one of his man boobs.

2×13: “Comeback”

I wants on them froggy lips, and I want on them NOW.

2×14: “Blame It On the Alcohol”

Mr. Schue? First of all that vest is very cute; you are all kinds of awesome.

2×15: “Sexy”

Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love you, and I don’t want to be with Sam, or Finn, or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please.

2×16: “Original Song”

You move me, Kurt

2×17: “A Night of Neglect”

Ha. See here’s what’s gonna go down. Two choices: you stay here and I crack one of your nuts,right or left, that’s your choice, or you walk away and live to be a douchebag another day. Oh, and also? I have razor blades hidden in my hair. Mhmm. Tons, just all up in there.

2×18: “Born This Way”

The only straight I am is straight-up bitch.

2×19: “Rumours”

Mama drinks her dinner these days.

2×20: “Prom Queen”

Dude, that rocks! It’s, like, gay Braveheart.

2×21: “Funeral”

When you love someone like I loved her, they become a part of you.

2×22: “New York”

This is your shot, dude. If I was in love with a girl and wasn’t homeless, I’d totally go for it.

3×01: “The Purple Piano Project”

For many of you, this is your last year. Make it special.

3×02: “I Am Unicorn”

If he doesn’t get it then he doesn’t deserve to have you as his campaign manager. There’s no one like you. You’re a genius, Brittany. You are the unicorn.

3×03: “Asian F”

I kicked a fire hydrant when I found out “Ace of Cakes” was canceled.

3×04: “Pot ‘O Gold”

And I am literally horny with fear.

3×05: “The First Time”

Now I’m just a girl, here with the boy that she loves, and wanting to remember this moment for the rest of her life.

3×06: “Mash-Off”

Everyone’s gonna know now, because of you.

3×07: “I Kissed A Girl”

Update Y’all

3×08: “Hold On to Sixteen”

You smell like Craigslist.

3×09: “Extraordinary Merry Christmas”

Holy crap, I’m dating Kim Kardashian.

3×10: “Yes/No”

Emma, you are the one

3×11: “Michael”

I taped it to my underboob.

3×12: “The Spanish Teacher”

You are old as a hill. You don’t give birth to no child. You gonna give birth to a grandchild. You gonna get in them stirrups and you gonna push and push and a full-grown adult gonna pop out with a briefcase and a job talking on a cell phone.

3×13: “Heart”

No single people allowed. They’re sad. They’re boring. And they don’t exist in my world.

3×14: “On My Way”

It isn’t going to be easy. There are going to be days where life just sucks, but you’re going to get through this cause I’m going to help you and so is everyone who loves you and accepts you for who you are.

3×15: “Big Brother”

Look, I need to be in New York and I need you with me. I can’t do this without you.

3×16: “Saturday Night Glee-ver”

I believe in you and what you can become.

3×17: “Dance With Somebody”

Joe’s really pretty, but I heard she doesn’t shave her armpits.

3×18: “Choke”

You guys showed me what it’s like to be a man. Not just last night, but for four years. Even you, Blaine.

3×19: “Prom-asaurus”

That’s bullying, and I will not accept it.

3×20: “Props”

I’m the school joke. A failure. You don’t know what it’s like to be worthless. Where nothing you do matters. I feel that way every day of my life. Every damn day!

3×21: “Nationals”

I have rage.

3×22: “Goodbye”

You’re going to get on that train, and you’re going to go to New York, and you’re going to be a star. Without me.

4×01: “The New Rachel”

Kitty is my new head bitch. Sue: She’s like a young Quinn Fabray, except she’s not pregnant, manic depressive, or in and out of a wheelchair.

4×02: “Britney 2.0″

Leave her alone. Leave Brittany alone!

4×03: “Makeover”

You should dream. You should dream very, very big and then you should work incredibly hard and make sure you do everything in your power to make it happen.

4×04: “The Break-Up”

You have you, and that’s better than anyone else on the planet as far as I’m concerned.

4×05: “The Role You Were Born to Play”

I think you’ll find I can say anything I want, absolutely stunning, kind-faced, blue-eyed girl.

4×06: “Glease”

I have so much to thank you guys for. Not just for making every day of my life an absolute joy, but for giving me this chance to share that joy with others.

4×07: “Dynamic Duets”

I’m the Human Brain.

4×08: “Thanksgiving”

But it’s Thanksgiving and it’s sectionals, and I miss you like crazy, and I can’t stand not talking to you even though I’m mad at you, because you’re still my best friend.

4×09: “Swan Song”

This is all Marley’s fault. New Rachel, my butt. I knew Rachel Berry. I was friends with Rachel Berry. And you, Marley, are not Rachel Berry.

4×10: “Glee Actually”

This is three times I’ve had to stare death in the eye, and you know the one thing I took away from all that? You have got to love the people you love close to you no matter what.

4×11: “Sadie Hawkins”

I had every flavor of Cheerio you can imagine. Original. Honey Nut. Did it really mean anything? No.

4×12: “Naked”

It’s not just girls who have body issues. Sometimes guys aren’t cool showing off their bodies either.

4×13: “Diva”

The online Urban Dictionary defines a diva as ‘A fierce, often temperamental singer who comes correct. She is not a trick-ass ho and she does not sweat the haters.

4×14: “I Do”

You and I both know how this thing ends. I don’t know how, or when, and I don’t care where you’re living or what dope you’re shacked up with. You’re my girlfriend. We are endgame. I know that and you know that.

4×15: “Girls (and Boys) on Film”

I like how you guys pretend to be all accepting about everything, but when your friend suddenly shows up in your home, moves in and goes through all your stuff, you’re offended?

4×16: “Fued”

Stay away from my wife!

4×17: ”Guilty Pleasures”

My most guilty pleasure of late, my boyfriend arm. I ordered it one night while on Ambien.

4×18: “Shooting Star”

You’re my family. Everybody in that room is my family.

4×19: “Sweet Dreams”

I’ve got the rest of my life to be a grown-up. And for now, it’s okay to be young.

4×20: “Lights Out”

You’re so talented, Santana. You’re like the most talented person I know, obviously with the exception of me and Kurt, but your voice, it’s electric!

4×21: “Wonder-ful”

Now we need some guy to help us dance? Hashtag GleeHatesGirls.

4×22: “All or Nothing”

My entire life, people have always told me that I was stupid. And after a while I started to believe it. And it wasn’t until I walked in this room and I joined this club, that I really started believing in myself. And as soon as I did that, as soon as I started believing that maybe I was smart after all, the whole world did too. And I’m really gonna miss you guys. Cause you guys are like my family.

5×01: “Love, Love, Love”

And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime because all I want to do, all I’ve ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you. So, Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?

5×02: “Tina in the Sky With Diamonds”

I like yeast in my bagel, but not in my muffin.

5×03: “The Quarterback”

I loved Finn, and, he loved me, and he loved all of you guys. I know he did.

5×04: “A Katy or A Gaga”

As your best friend and your biggest fan, what I love the most about you is that you don’t try to do or be what anyone else is doing, okay? You make your own path.

5×05: “The End of Twerk”

Ever since Finn died, I’ve been going about my business, but I’ve also kind of been in a trance. And I guess I just needed to be shocked back to life.

5×06: “Movin’ Out”

Kick it off with our very own take on a classic B.J… Uh Billy Joel.

5×07: “Puppet Master”

That’s why we’re best friends, even though I’m straight and you’re gay, and I’m blonde and you’re gay.

5×08: “Previously Unaired Christmas”

I am giving you an all-expense paid trip to Dildo Island. It’s a real place, it’s in Canada.

5×09: “Frenemies”

Is it a bridge too far to call Artie Abrams an American hero? I think not.

5×10: “Trio”

Are you really pregnant or are you just pretending to be? Because the last time somebody told me they were pregnant it was really bad.

5×11: “City of Angels”

You didn’t lose, William. The game’s just over.

5×12: “100″

I don’t have anymore pep talks. Just you guys, and the memory of the people on this wall, my friends. We share this special bond. We’re the only ones in the world who knew what this Glee Club Meant to us. What it felt to sing together, to be together. What it feels like to say goodbye to it. Now I didn’t come here to cheer you up. Just to thank you. To thank you for going on this ride with me.

Thank you Glee, for taking us on this ride.


-Bonnie & Whitney

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