Monday, January 19, 2015

Glee 6×03 “Jagged Little Tapestry” Recap

The episode starts off with Kurt running into Blahrofsky. Queue the sad song featuring a wonderful song by Ms. Carole King: It’s Too Late. The duet was gone. The scene was overrated. Except they did seem to turn back time with Kurt in a Warbler uniform that somehow made him look much younger than he usually looks.

Moving on… Kurt and Rachel had a little bit of a diva off in how they should educate the Glee club. Kurt thinks with Carole King’s “Tapestry” album. Rachel with Alanis Morrisette’s “Jagged Little Pill.” In the end, they decide in a mash up. Even though they aren’t mashing very well together.

Beiste was late to practice, and Sam was smelling? and ironing a jock strap. It was weird. Apparently Beiste is having food poisoning AND potential knee surgery… I’ll keep you posted.

The new kid Shane really wants to play quarterback. Beiste feels very strongly that he should play receiver. Like… really strongly.

It’s the first Glee club meeting! The alums are sticking around. So basically the student to teacher ratio in this episode is 1:12.

More bitchfests between Hummelberry. They aren’t great at coaching together…

Tina is team Alanis. But I think it was her old vampire days coming out to say that. Also, she admitted to just sitting and smiling for 3 years. That happened. I lol’ed.

Becky came back with her new boyfriend. Apparently she’s been lying to him, and she enlists the bitches and whores of the glee club to help cover up her lies.

Still, Quinn is Kitty.

Brittany and Santana scissored, and then had a conversation about what song they should sing in Glee club. Brittany thinks that it should be “You Oughta Know,” probably because we suggested it in this post. And it’s true. They should have sung it… A long time ago.

But then they had a sweet romantic conversation about how much they love each other and how they are going to love each other forever and things like that. It was sappy, and I threw up feelings in my mouth.

Becky enlists Sue to help her cover up her lies with Darrell. Also, did I mention that Darrell is hot. But, as they should have been, people were worried about his intentions with Becky. Uh oh.

Hey, in case you didn’t know it… Brittana is in love. So they sung “One Hand In My Pocket/I Feel the Earth Move” and it was a real fun time.

Oh and then Santana proposed by saying about all of the nicest things she’s ever said on the show to her one true love. Again – I upchucked a lot of feelings.

Kurt was a little bitch about it. Mostly because he and Blaine are broken up. Again.

So, back to Shane wanting to be quarterback, he tries to get Beiste fired. He informs Sue that Beiste is basically yelling, and missing practice, and taking a lot of drugs.

Santana delivers THE BEST Lima Heights monologue to Kurt for bitching about the proposal. And not only was it absolutely hilarious, but it was also 100% accurate. And 83 seconds of pure awesome.

Quinn and Tina try to help Becky with her Glee club lie.

Brittany is filling a giant heart filled with Mounds in the exact number of minutes that she and Santana have spent together for an engagement present. Awesome… With Kurt… Weird. But then she drops a bomb on Kurt: Blahrofsky is moving in together.

Then she drops the best line on earth: “I removed the bed because when I pictured you two having sex, I pictured a UHaul mounting a moped,” in reference to Blahrofsky bangin’ on the bed that is no longer there.

Then she was a wonderful friend to Kurt. She’s awesome.

Quinn, Tina, Roz, and Sue question Darrell’s intentions with Becky again. He defended their relationship. Because he likes her for who she is, and they have it all wrong. Seems like a pretty good looking guy.

The new girl and the other new girls twin brother sung “Will You Still Love Me/Head Over Feet.” It was good. Two excellent songs. But I don’t know who these people are, so I tuned it out a bit. #justbeinhonest

In case you didn’t know, Kurt’s still upset about the break up. So he tells the kids that their song wasn’t that great.

Sue thinks Beiste has cancer. Beiste doesn’t deny it. But… as we find out later, it turns out that Beiste is actually going through a gender transformation. And it’s beautifully acted, and beautifully explained. Finally, a new breakthrough in storyline — back to the old Glee!

Becky, Tina, and Quinn sing for Darrell. Well… Tina and Quinn sing for Darrell. Well… because Tina is singing it, Tina and Quinn only sing half of “You’re So Far Away” because Tina is never allowed to finish a song. Also though, Becky ran away because she was scared to sing in front of Darrell because she can’t really sing.

Brittany delivers an amazing jab to Tina that was hilarious, and Santana is brutally honest with Becky, and then there were some other kind words said by the mostly stupid bitches who are also pretty cool.

Hummelberry make up and decide to be real teachers because those twins think that they need both Hummel and Berry to win sectionals.

Becky comes clean to her boyfriend. And he tells her that they need to have each other’s backs. It was sweet. And that milkshake looked good.

Then the cast breaks out into “You’ve Got a Friend/You Live, You Learn” and it’s on stage and it warms your heart and you get a little teary eyed and fall in love with Glee all over again.

Annnnd that’s what you missed on Glee!
Truly a beautiful episode. One of the first in like 4 seasons. What’d you think Gleeks!? Hit us up in the comments below or on Twitter: @TroutyMouthBlog!

Bon & Whit

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