Friday, April 13, 2012

Gleecap: Glee 3x15 - 'Big Brother' Recap

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Glee is back! The hiatus is over and after seven long weeks I think we were all a little curious what happened to Q. Not sure why you missed this episode (unless you steered clear because of another Blaine storyline, in which case I totally understand) but we’ve got the deets on the wheelchairs, awkward shower scene, masters class, and roller coasters. Fast forward several weeks after Quinn’s accident andddddd ACTION!

The Finchel wedding has been postponed but Rachel can’t stop thinking about Quinn, who is rolling down the hall wheelchair style. This is the happiest day of her life and she heads into the choir room with Artie to sing it out. Cue Quartie duet to the tune of I’m Still Standing. Ironic? You betchya.

Texting and driving was the stupidest thing Quinn has ever done, besides sleeping with Puck, but it’s ok all her plumbing still works. No tears, Tina. Q promises to be out of her chair and dancing on stage by nationals. Unholy Trinity hugs. Praise.

In Figgins’ office he names Roz the co-coach of the Cheerios as Sue’s pregnancy has compromised her work. His word is law. Sue vows to get the school a national championship via Glee Club so she takes over booty camp in an effort to whip the pear-shaped teens into shape. She lays an epic smackdown on them over their “complete apathy and lack of professionalism.” She’s meaner than Tabatha.

Mercedes isn't texting, she's donating to the Obama campaign. Her droid! Brad Ellis approves.

Sue is wildly hormonal. Stop trying to understand her actions.

Barbra Gordon and Schue agree to go to Sue’s doctor appointment with her.

Blaine's brother, Cooper Anderson, is in town exploring his salt of the earth roots. "You, sir, are a Disney prince." Blaine... you jelly?

The Glee kids discuss senior ditch day plans. But not a non-alcoholic pub crawl because it's not senior CITIZENS ditch day. Brittany wants to see something give birth. Rachel kills all cheer by apologizing to Quinn but Q refuses to dwell on it. Cue Faberry hug (calm yourselves, shippers). Meeting adjourned, Six Flags it is.

Puck suggests he and Finn start a pool cleaning business in California, but Finchel has New York plans.

Ladies and gays, Sue gives you Porcelain’s famous brother Cooper Anderson. Namaste. The cardigan's comin' off. It’s an Anderbro duet of Hungry Like The Wolf/Rio. Standing O.

Blaine whines about his older brother’s constant critiques.

Quinn takes on the steepest wheelchair ramp with Artie’s encouragement. It’s just like having a baby.

Welcome to the Cooper Anderson Acting Master Class. Notes: Broadway is dead, turn into a pose again and again, ask the tough questions, point, no eye contact with a scene partner, scream all your lines.

The pool-owning milf would love to be a silent, or noisy, business partner for the Puck and Finn pool cleaning business.

Sue and Wemma find out that Sue is having a girl. Her toilet seats are spared.

Cooper got an audition for a Michael Bay film, aka Transformers 4. Blaine isn’t thrilled because it’s all about Cooper. And so begins the awkward segue into Blaine singing Fighter. Cue boxing followed by unnecessary shower scene and we’re back onto the stage for screaming/singing and tv screens filled with Cooper.

Quinn calls Finn out for texting and walking and Quartie confirms their own ditch day Artie Abrams style.

Becky talks to Sue about her having a baby girl, which Sue reveals will be just like her. Please don't start lactating. Becky tells her to work on her patience.

Quartie senior ditch day = crip skip. The rest of the Glee kids hit the roller coasters at Six Flags, all to the tune of another delicious Quartie duet to the sound of Up, Up, Up (can I get pregnant from this?). Quinn tells Artie she’s going to walk again but Artie isn’t so certain.

Teen Jesus and Quinn “walk” down the hall together and Q momentarily slips into being a self-obsessed bitch but ultimately takes him to join the New Directions. He has a twig in his hair.

Sue will reveal the father of her child once she finalizes her book and movie deal. She apologizes for being mean to the Glee kids, she thought she was being kind... for not bringing up the sexual tension between Mercedes and the Kentucky fried stripper, or the fact that they spent untold millions on a laser show so Sandbags could dance with the night school’s Polynesian janitor (actually he was Puerto Rican). It’s in her DNA to be mean, just like it’s in Porcelain’s to poop rainbow glitter. She promises to be nicer if they promise to work their butts off for that first place trophy in Chicago.

Alright sloppy babies, let’s take it from the top! (Anyone else have season one flashbacks when Sue said that? Thought so).

Kurt gives Blaine a Margaret Thatcher stuffed animal dog and convinces him to give it another shot with his brother. Talking doesn’t work? Show him how you really feel, Blaine, through a break-up song duet with Somebody That I Used To Know. They work it all out, now they’re friends and brothers, and I unsurprisingly still couldn’t find any effs to give. Huh.

Finchel locker scene. The NYADA scout is coming soon and Rachel is ready but Finn wants to start thinking seriously about his own future, perhaps in California. Rachel needs to be in New York but Finn isn’t sure.

And that’s what you missed... on Glee!

Big thanks to Ash for writing this Gleecap... Again! You da' best Assssshley!


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