Thursday, February 7, 2013

Gleecap: Glee 4x12 - 'Naked' Recap

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Maybe you're not watching Glee anymore... That's silly. Real silly. Silly as slothstronaut. And if you're not watching, you're missing out... because the last few episodes have been quite good. And I haven't been looking forward to upcoming episodes this much in a long time. So maybe you want to start watching again. And maybe you need to catch up on what you missed. So here's your recap for Glee 4x12 "Naked":

Dalton was stripped of their sectionals title because of their recent roid scandal, so the New Directions are going to Regionals! WOO! (Still confused why it wouldn't go to the She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain show choir, buuuuut...)

Tina still loves Blaine. And we still love Blina Anderchang. So, she comes up with "The Men of McKinley Calendars" to sell as a fundraising event to come up with the money for Regionals.

Fondue for Two is back. Brittany has Marley come on the show as her guest. She lets her entire viewing audience know that she's got a fat mom and she's bulimic. And Lord Tubbington is secretly a slumlord. Brittany also tells Marley to tell Jake she loves him.

Brittany and Sam got the highest and lowest scores ever recorded at McKinley -- respectively. Sam questions how... because he doesn't understand why Britt could do better than him. (Don't you know she's a genius Sam? See Season 3x02.)

Britt, being the supportive sister girlfriend that she is, tells Sam not to worry because he has a great body and he can be a personal trainer or a greeter at Abercrombie or a greeter at Abercrombie's corporate headquarters.

Rachel is doing a film. But in order to do it, she's got to do a topless scene. Everyone seems against it except Brody... Including Old Rachel. That's why she came back to vocally masturbate sing a duet with New Rachel. They sing Torn. One of my favorite performances to date. Well done Rachels.

Now Sam is obsessed with his body. So he hosts a seminar where he teaches the men how to workout. Artie watches. Then they sing Hot In Herre/Centerfold. And can I just tell you how happy it makes me to hear more Nelly on Glee? #STLReppin #Season1Feels

Kurt is mad that Rachel is doing a topless scene. I don't really get it. But he seems to think it's because of misogynist Ken Brody. FYI -- Rachel's new nickname is Slutty Barbie.

Taking Brittany's advice into consideration, Marley invites Jake to the auditorium to sing a duet. They pick that "poop on paper" book-series-turned-to-movie "Twilight" theme song.... Or, simply A Thousand Years. It was good. But I personally hate that song.

Then Blaine reveals that the real reason he can't go to the dance with her is because he has a crush on Sam. Poor Tina.

Then Blina agrees that they go to the dance as BFF's and enjoy the "most fun night ever"! Poor Tina.

They kiss at the end of the number, but Marley still can't tell him that she loves him.

Meanwhile, Artie is struggling with the thought of doing the Men of McKinley calendar because his body is "sort of broken". Finn, in a rather dignified manner for a change tells him that it's okay... and in fact thinks "it’s totally cool that there’s a part of [himself] that [he wants] to keep private."

Ryder might be gay. No but in all seriousness, he for knows that girls want a guy that will get "naked emotionally". So he tells Jake, during their locker room bro talk (because that's probably what most guys talk about in the locker room... pardon the sterotyping and sarcasm here, but seriously?)... that Jake should tell Marley he loves her first.

So, Jake sings a stripped down version of Let Me Love You.... Which doesn't sound like "I Love You" to me... but it was close.

Rachel comes home to the best surprise of the season -- Santana and Quinn there because "Lady Hummel" called them for an emergency intervention. They're there to talk Rachel out of doing a nude scene.

Rachel questions the brittana sex tape, and Santana says it was the best thing she's ever done still haunts her to this day.

Quinn talks about the 2-2-2 rule... questioning Rachel on how she'll feel about it in 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years? Thought provoking really...

Sam... still obsessing over his body because he has no brains... feels like he's losing his pump during the calendar shoot. So Blaine tells him he's out of control. But Blaine doesn't get it... because he's smart. And can sing. And can dance? #questionable

But Blaine reminds Sam that no matter what, everyone will still always love him. Thank goodness for the Glee Club loving everyone.

Somewhere in there, there's a Finn-Sue subplot, where Sue is making Finn's life miserable, so he blackmails her with the horse-testosterone nude centerfold she did a long time ago (continuity? I forgot what that was... but it was mentioned in season 1). I found this subplot to be irrelevant, but I think it was so that Finn could seem like the hero and save the Glee Club from Sue or something the Sue-hates-the-glee-club storyline continued. #...

Blaine, in an attempt to make Sam feel better, he brings Sam to Emma so that she can show him a list of colleges that don't require SAT scores -- just essays. Sam, still feeling un-smart, doesn't know what he'd write about.

Back in NY, Rachel is getting ready to shoot her topless scene, but Old Rachel kicks in and she decides she can't do it. Even thought he whole crew takes off their clothes with her... Weird. But if that's how Glee operates, maybe I should join that crew... How bout it, Ryan?

As she's leaving, the movie crew starts playing Love Song. It ends in the NYADA auditorium, where Rachel meets Quinn and Santana and they sing with her. It was a rather adorable scene, if I do say so myself, and I loved it.

FORESHADOWING ALERT: Rachel asks the girls if they want to have dinner, and Santana replies with “I’m in no rush to go back to Kentucky. I think I could get used to it here. It's more my speed." #getsantanatonewyork #now #now #NOW

Back at McKinley, Blam is trying to work through Sam's essay. Sam's not ready. But then Blaine shows a video of his contributions to members of the Glee Club to hopefully inspire some essay writing. Tina reminds him that he saved sectionals last year. And again this year. Artie reminds him that he rescued the Nationals trophy. Santana said that he inspired her to try her hand at song writing. Brittany said something about his Sean Connery impression. Mercedes followed her dreams to become a singer because of Sam. Finn reminds him that he supported his whole family when his dad lost his job. Oh... and Santana reminds us all that the song she wrote was Trouty Mouth... Obviously this was our favorite part of the whole episode.

Sam cried and thanked Blaine. THERE'S HIS ESSAY!

Sam tells Artie that he doesn't have to be shirtless in the calendar. SO, Sam keeps his clothes on, too. Aw. #BrosFoLyfe.

So, as they're selling the calendar, Sam declares that it's a new year and a new him... Queue It's a New Year. This performance gave me Season 1 feels. So good. SO GOOD!

...And that's what you missed on Glee!

-Bonnie and Whitney

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