In case you missed this week's episode, which would have been silly because we all knew this was going to be the world's
The show opens up at McKinley with some harmless flirting between Marley and Jake. Brittany and Blaine realize that they miss this with their respective lovers.
Flip to New York, and Kurt is making some brunch for Rachel & Finn. Come to find out that Rachel and Finn barely even spoke over night.
Let's change the awkward. Turns out Finn got semi-honorably discharged from the army, and has been backpacking through Georgia for the last four months... apparently without a cell phone? #becausewerein1800 #nohewasembarrased #butstill
Now switch to Santana's bedroom. The girls are folding some laundry. Turns out that Santana likes being at Louisville so that she can come home every few weeks so that she can see Brittany every few weeks.
Kurt and Blaine keep missing some phone dates and stuff. It's been really hard for them. They all seem to be feeling a little... out of place without their significant others.
Insert the nineties classic, Barely Breathing. Probably my third favorite performance of the night.
Finn, Rachel & Kurt are getting ready to go out at "Callbacks", when [surprise!] Blaine shows up at the door with flowers for Mr. Kurt Hummel.
Queue awesome karaoke bar where the NYADA kids hang out and order Virgin Amaretto Sours.
Brody encourages Finn to sing with Rachel, but basically Finn just surrenders his role as Rachel's boyfriend to Brody, so Brochel sings Give Your Heart A Break.
Then Blaine decides that he wants to sing a song to "the Love of [his] Life". So, he sings an original: Teenage Dream. Kidding. It's not original, but what he does is original. Acoustic. Acoustic and emotional?
On the walk home, Finn accuses Rachel of being more-than-friends with Brody. She admits she kissed him, but only because he said that he was setting her free at the end of last season. He's stupid -- HIS words, not mine.
Blaine tells Kurt that he's been with someone... like WITH someone. Bla-cheater.
Queue Don't Speak. It was a little awkward. They didn't speak. They just sang. And they had this weird bedroom scene where the couples were sharing their respective beds, but clearly distant from one another. And Blaine had on really cool pajamas. #sarcasm
Since they went to bed not speaking, Finn decides it's best not to speak some more. So he sneaks out. Kurt catches him because he's waiting for Blaine to wake up. But when he asks Finn if he should tell Rachel anything, Finn says "No". I'm assuming he'll just call her from that magical cell phone from the 1800s.
Back at McKinley, Kitty asks Marley to the next "Left Behind" club, which accepts losers and lezzies, but not Muslims. So she holds a rapture.
In the words of Santana Lopez, "What the hell are you talking about Kitty?" Yep, she's talking about Armageddon, and we best get right with God, because Jesus booked himself a flight back to Earth... through Orbitz... so that He can judge the crap out of people.
Then she pulls a prank on Dottie, Tina's assistant. Everyone leaves and lays out their clothes for a fake rapture. And Dottie thinks she gets left behind. She cries about it.
Queue a second-lair of feelings: Santana wants to go home, and doesn't think the club is good for Brittany. But Brittany tells her that being left behind sucks, and Santana had left her behind. It feels like she's hypervenilating. Now I'm hyperventilating.
Finn goes back to McKinley, and Finn wants to talk to Mr. Schue, which translates into "Can I hug you and cry?" He does.
Blaine and Finn have an awkward confrontation in the choir room where Finn asks Blaine why he did that to Kurt. No one knows, but everyone's excited about Finn being back at McKinley. He helps them pick a musical: "Grease".
As we saw last week, Schue is following his dreams. He's officially on the Blue Ribbon Panel to Improve Arts Education. He wants Emma to come with her, but Emma doesn't want to go. They have a fight. And Emma tells Schue off. It was awesome.
Kurt gets make up flowers. And then he gets hit on by one of his office mates... Well maybe he was just being nice, either way I liked it.
Santana calls Brittany into the choir room and tells her that sophomore year she "counted the days she smiled at her and died on the days she didn't". Basically it was like a kick to the balls.
Then she sang Mine. They both cried. Both loved each other a lot. Then broke up? Or something? It wasn't "official" but it pretty much felt official. That WAS a kick to the balls... I don't care if you have them or not... it hurt.
[Side note: Heather Morris gets all the awards. Showstopping scene alert.]
Jake apologizes to Marley for the rapture. Then Kitty gets jealous. And gets mouthy with Marley. Then Jake breaks up with her. Aw snap!
The next showstopping scene comes from Lea Michele. She finds Finn in the auditorium. And the scene starts off sweet. But then Rachel starts going off because he wouldn't pick up his 1800s cell phone or answer texts etched in stone.
The real kicker: She thought he was a man. Then he treated her like a little girl. And she told him he was not acting like a man. She really sets him in his place.
...Then they break up. This time you're punched in the face.
Then all the couples sing The Scientist. The scene itself wasn't that emotional -- but the flashbacks were. And also the song. The song was emotional. Basically it was the icing on the cake from Hell.
And that's what you missed on Glee! It was quite sad. It made me very sad. But weirdly, enough, it was quite an impressive episode!
-Bonnie & Whitney