Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Gleecap: Glee 3x12 - 'The Spanish Teacher' Recap

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So, you missed the episode with Ricky Martin, eh? Were you too busy livin la vida loca to take 60 minutes to sit down and watch the Latin spice that is Mr. Martinez on the screen? Well trouty mouth here has you covered. Yes, there is a lot of Will in this one. You just gotta power through it. Warning, the following recap contains depictions that may lead to sexy mental images. Proceed with caution:

Mr. Schue’s yearly rendition of La Cucaracha on Taco Tuesday is a disaster, leading to a student complaint.

A tenure position just opened up at McKinley so Will tries to get a leg up on the competition by taking a Spanish class at night, taught by one Mr. Martinez. Hola! I suddenly feel the need to check my local high school for a late night Spanish class.

Sue wants to have a baby. No, seriously, she does. She had her eggs frozen in the 70s in a meat locker, naturally. While unimpressed with the options at the local sperm bank, she offers Will the job of donating his ‘baby gravy’ so her baby has a head of luscious locks.

Assignment for the week: Latin music. Queue David Martinez and his performance of “Sexy And I Know It,” which is chalked full of duende. Obviously, he works out. Mr. Martinez is sexy and we all know it.

Sam tweeted that Mercedes smells good, and he won’t stop till it’s trending. Samcedes then begins a week of not speaking to one another, as suggested by Emma.

The Cheerios now have fierce moves (nice work Brittany) thanks to Roz, who thinks Sue is as old as a hill and will give birth to a grandchild, a full grown adult, rather than an actual baby.

Rachel tells Mercedes and Kurt about her engagement to Finn. They freak out.

Mercedes sings “Don’t Wanna Lose You” to Sam, as they are not allowed to speak. Apparently singing doesn’t count. Sam and the boys then sing “Bamboleo/Hero,” Mexican hipster boots and all.

Lady Bird Hollow Pelvis (aka Emma) has a heart-melting chat with Sue about having a child.

Kurt gives Finn a pep talk and encourages him to follow his dreams and come to realize his own great talent. Brava, Kurt. Brava.

Santana wonders with whose vagina Sue plans on having a child.

Will is a jerk to Emma while she is showing him her provocative new pamphlets. Clearly, Emma is too good for Will.

Next up, what we’ve been waiting for: a Santana special featuring Mr. Martinez in “La Isla Bonita.” The singing, the outfits, the moves, the spanish…absolutely fantastico. They look perfect together on stage. Yeah, I’d ship that (if I wasn’t already shipping Brittana, of course). In response, Mr. Schue performs his very own Spanish rendition of “A Little Less Conversation.” I could have done with a little less Schue.

Santana delivers a speech heard round the auditorium as she simultaneously calls Mr. Schue out on his poor Spanish teaching and compliments him for inspiring students in Glee. Once again, Santana FTW.

Beiste loves Emma’s pamphlets. Taint Misbehavin'... Genius!

Will offers his daytime Spanish teaching job to Mr. Martinez as he takes a position in the history department.

Sue tinker-tailor-soldier-spied her way into Figgins’ file cabinet.

Becky is a better speller than Brittany, and thinks Sue is going to make a great mom.

Just when the week is up and Samcedes is about to speak, Shane walks up and interrupts. GTFO, bro.

Will apologizes to Emma via pamphlets and she forgives him, but I still don’t. She gets tenure and may now be addressed as “Professor Dollface.”

And that’s what you missed… on Glee!

And a big special thanks to our friend Ashley, @ashhens, for writing up this Gleecap while Whitney & Bonnie suffer from TBD - Too Busy Disorder!

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